You just made me feel so damn special
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
