if i can run in heels then i can drive
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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