Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm drive I can fine osifer
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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