I would go down on you faster than GM stock
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
