Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
