I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
