first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My dick has a subreddit
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
