I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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