I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
