It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
