i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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