he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
