3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
