5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
