my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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