i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
