i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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