a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
