some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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