who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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