He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's blow job season.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
