I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
