So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
