My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
