We're like a lot better than the average bears
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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