We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My vagina just recognized that song.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
