i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
