Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
