This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
third nipple confirmed
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
