I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
