I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
