this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
