He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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