Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
