college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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