yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
