I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
