i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
