why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
