i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
