I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
