you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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