I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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