I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
