im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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