Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
This house was built for laser tag.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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