I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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