we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
