Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
