he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
